China "Accidentally" Becomes Walmart for the Entire Planet—Again

China "Accidentally" Becomes Walmart for the Entire Planet—Again

While America was busy yelling at Canada about maple syrup tariffs, China quietly cranked its exports from $340 billion to $540 billion in just three months. That’s a 70% jump. Not a typo. Seventy. Percent.

But here’s the twist: according to official year-over-year data, exports only rose… 2.3%. Imports? Down 8.4%. So either math died, or someone in Beijing took “creative accounting” to Olympic levels.

Now let’s connect the dots, or in this case, the warehouses. The theory? China’s turbo-trading before the global economic meteor hits. Think of it as doomsday prepping—except instead of canned beans, it’s electric cars, solar panels, and 400,000 metric tons of mystery electronics.

At the same time, China’s government just tossed $1.9 trillion at its industrial sector like Oprah giving away cars. But unlike the U.S., where companies beg for tax breaks like kids asking for candy, Chinese industries are the government.

Meaning? They can sell products at a loss for years, just to kneecap Western competitors. This is capitalism with cheat codes.

Meanwhile, the U.S. is playing 5D trade war chess—hitting allies like Singapore with tariffs even when they have no tariffs on us. That’s like punching your neighbor because you thought they might look at your lawn funny.

To make it even weirder: while China’s trade goes vertical, U.S. imports also mysteriously jump by $70 billion. Spoiler alert: It wasn’t from Canada or Mexico. Guess who? Yep—China.

So despite the screaming about decoupling, the two biggest economies are still in bed together, arguing over who gets the blanket while the house burns down.

And with the yuan at historic lows, Chinese exports are basically on clearance. But here’s the kicker: oil demand is slumping, inventories are stacking up, and overproduction is starting to look like a feature—not a bug.

Bottom line: the U.S. and China are locked in an economic game of chicken, except instead of swerving, both sides are flooring it while chugging Monster Energy. And the rest of the world? Stuck in the backseat, holding onto the dashboard for dear life.