Elon Musk’s Speedrun to “Worst Humanitarian Crisis” Title Is Going Smoothly

Elon Musk’s Speedrun to “Worst Humanitarian Crisis” Title Is Going Smoothly

Breaking news: U.S. aid workers just testified that Elon Musk’s latest act of reckless billionaire meddling nearly got them and their families killed. Turns out, when you rapidly dismantle critical foreign aid programs without a plan, people get stranded in violent conflict zones with no way out. Who could have guessed?

Musk, apparently bored of ruining social media and space travel, decided to gut U.S. Aid programs overnight—no oversight, no contingency plan, just pure “burn it all down” energy. As violence broke out in the Congo, American workers found themselves abandoned, their homes looted, their money gone, while Musk was busy tweeting conspiracy theories about them being radical Marxists trying to spread transgenderism. Yes, really.

Even Rep. Don Beyer called this a scandal of epic proportions, but somehow, it’s barely making headlines. Meanwhile, Musk is firing off 200 ketamine-fueled tweets a day about social security and “woke” aid workers. But sure, let’s keep pretending he’s a genius.

If this doesn’t wake people up to the dangers of letting billionaires play government, nothing will.