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ICE's New Language Policy: Speak Spanish, Win a Free Detention Tour!

⁹ICE's New Language Policy: Speak Spanish, Win a Free Detention Tour!

In a bold move to promote linguistic uniformity, ICE agents in Milwaukee have introduced an innovative program: detain American citizens for the audacious act of speaking Spanish in public. A Puerto Rican family—mother, toddler, and grandmother—recently enjoyed an exclusive, unplanned visit to a detention facility after conversing in their native tongue at a local department store. Only after presenting their birth certificates from Puerto Rico (a U.S. territory, in case anyone forgot) were they graciously released with a polite apology.

TELEMUNDOPR.COM

This initiative raises the question: Is bilingualism the new probable cause? With American citizens increasingly experiencing the thrill of surprise detentions, it seems speaking a second language might just be the ticket to an unexpected adventure.

For a deeper dive into this linguistic lottery, check out my Substack. Don't forget to follow me across all platforms for more satirical scoops!