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INTERNATIONAL WARNING: VISITING THE U.S. NOW COMES WITH A FREE DETENTION STAY!

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Jordan Keys
March 25, 2025

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INTERNATIONAL WARNING: VISITING THE U.S. NOW COMES WITH A FREE DETENTION STAY!

Germany and the UK have just issued travel advisories for the U.S., while Canadian politicians are practically begging citizens to avoid coming altogether. Why? Because apparently, entering the "Land of the Free" now comes with a complimentary interrogation, possible deportation, and a bonus round of solitary confinement—all for the low, low price of... existing.

A French scientist? Denied entry for not liking Trump. A German green card holder? Reportedly stripped naked, thrown in a cold shower, and interrogated like a villain in a spy movie—despite living in the U.S. since 2007. Another German traveler? Held in solitary for six weeks. And for the grand finale, a Canadian woman? Shackled, caged for two weeks, and deported to Arizona (which, for Canadians, might as well be another planet).

And let's not forget the Real Madrid tattoo incident—where ICE allegedly mistook a Venezuelan soccer coach's tattoo for gang affiliation and sent him straight to El Salvador's infamous prisons. Because nothing screams "due process" like deporting someone for supporting the wrong sports team.

If this all sounds like an extreme case of border control gone rogue, that's because it is. But hey, nothing says "America First" like detaining tourists and legal residents while the actual issues remain untouched.

For those still thinking of visiting, pack light—you might not be coming back