Jeff Bezos: Billionaire Genius or the World’s Richest Scam Artist?

Jeff Bezos: Billionaire Genius or the World’s Richest Scam Artist?

Jeff Bezos is either a tiny man overcompensating with steroids or a sentient thumb in a Patagonia vest—but is he also a scam? Let’s investigate.

Step 1: The Rags-to-Riches Myth

Bezos quit his hedge fund job in 1994 to start an online bookstore, which might have been a heartwarming underdog story—if he had ever cared about books. Instead, he openly admitted they were just an "ideal commodity" to build an e-commerce monopoly. And, of course, he did it all with nothing but grit, determination, and a $300,000 loan from his parents.

Step 2: The Four-Step Scam Playbook

1️⃣ Never Pay Taxes

Amazon crushed physical bookstores by avoiding sales tax, then graduated to skipping corporate taxes entirely. In 2019, the company made $10 billion in profit and paid exactly $0 in federal tax. Meanwhile, Bezos himself almost never pays personal taxes, despite having so much money that his yacht has a yacht.

2️⃣ Never Compete Fairly

After achieving monopoly status through tax dodging, Amazon bought out competitors, blocked sellers from offering lower prices elsewhere, and rigged search results to prioritize its own products. Because why compete when the system can just be gamed?

3️⃣ Never Treat Workers Like People

From corporate toxic work culture to warehouse workers peeing in bottles to avoid punishment for taking breaks, Amazon has perfected the art of squeezing every last ounce of labor from employees. Efficiency!

4️⃣ Always Look as Creepy as Possible

Bezos has mastered the uncanny ability to appear simultaneously robotic and uncomfortably sweaty in every photo. Possibly a side effect of devouring the souls of independent booksellers for breakfast.

The Final Scam? Destroying Journalism

Last week, Bezos—who owns The Washington Post—announced that the paper should only publish opinions on "free markets and personal liberty"—two things he has spent his entire career ensuring never apply to his own companies or employees. His reasoning? These are the pillars that built America. Just don’t ask him to pay taxes to support the country he claims to care so much about.

So, is Thunderlina a scam?

✅ Yes.