Make America Healthy Again” — Or Just Turn the Whole Country Into a Government-Funded Fitbit Cult? 📡

Make America Healthy Again” — Or Just Turn the Whole Country Into a Government-Funded Fitbit Cult? 📡

So apparently the plan is this: within four years, every American will be wearing a government-connected device to track everything from diet and sleep to movement and medication.

Not satire. That’s straight from Secretary Kennedy’s actual testimony:

“My vision is that every American is wearing a wearable within four years.”

And if that line doesn’t sound like it came from the villain’s monologue in a Black Mirror episode, keep reading.

They’re calling it the MAHA Agenda — Make America Healthy Again — which sounds inspirational until you realize it’s a federal real-time surveillance program dressed in yoga pants.

We’re talking full-blown national health registries, AI integration, partnerships with CVS, Walgreens, your doctor, your insurer, your fitness tracker, your phone — all feeding into one massive, centralized platform.

Think Palantir. But instead of tracking terrorists, they’re tracking your step count, your blood pressure, and whether you ordered fries last Tuesday.

And the real kicker?

This is the same political base that once foamed at the mouth about Bill Gates microchipping people through vaccines. Now their hand-picked administration is rolling out a wearable surveillance state and calling it wellness.

Apparently, if it’s a right-wing Fitbit, it’s freedom.

So let’s be clear:

The same people who warned you about microdots on your skin are now trying to put a biometric watch on your skin.

The same folks who cried “1984!” at mask mandates now want to log your daily calorie count to a federal server.

Make it make sense.