Rubio Threatens to Nuke Peace Talks—Metaphorically (for now)

Rubio Threatens to Nuke Peace Talks—Metaphorically (for now)

Today, Secretary of State Marco Rubio told the world that unless Russia and Ukraine start singing “Kumbaya” by next week, the U.S. is packing up its diplomacy briefcase and going home.

That’s right—Team America: World Police is quitting the beat.

Trump promised to end the Ukraine war on Day One. Then it became 100 days.

Now it’s Day [insert awkward silence], and Russia’s just been ghosting the U.S. while demanding Ukraine hand over their land like it’s a Monopoly board.

So what’s really happening?

Russia's playing the long game—offering absurd “peace” terms so they can keep advancing while the U.S. slowly disengages. And let’s be real: Trump’s calls with Putin and the new warmer tone from D.C. probably feel like a diplomatic cuddle for the Kremlin.

Why can’t Russia just chill?

Geographic anxiety. For centuries, Russia's been invaded through flatlands called “gaps.” Solution? Take over the gaps. Ukraine is one big ol’ gap. Moldova and Romania? Also gaps. It’s like Risk, but with tanks and trauma.

Now Rubio says: “This isn’t our war.”

Translation? "We’re pulling the plug on military support too."

Ukraine, best of luck—hope you’ve got extra ammo and a miracle on deck.

Bottom line?

Russia asked for Ukraine. Trump gave them a hotline. Rubio gave them a deadline.

And now, it looks like “America First” might mean Ukraine Last.