Trump's Tariff Plan is Just the USFL All Over Again—But This Time, the Opponent is the Global Economy

Trump's Tariff Plan is Just the USFL All Over Again—But This Time, the Opponent is the Global Economy

BREAKING: Man Who Tanked a Football League by Suing the NFL is Shocked Tariffs Won’t Rebuild American Industry Overnight

In a move that surprises absolutely no one who read a history book or watched a single episode of Last Week Tonight, Donald Trump is once again reaching into his playbook from the 1980s—the one titled: “Strong-Arm Your Way Into Losing Everything.”

Back in 1983, Trump bought the New Jersey Generals and joined the springtime fun league known as the USFL. Things were going fine… until Trump got bored and decided the league should go head-to-head with the NFL in the fall. Why? Because he said so.

Then came the brilliant masterstroke: sue the NFL for being a monopoly, then hope they offer a merger out of gratitude. Instead, the jury awarded the USFL exactly $1 (yes, really), and the league folded less than a week later. Great job, everyone.

Fast forward to 2025, and here we are again. This time, the game isn’t football—it’s the global economy, and Trump’s big plan is to slap tariffs on everything that moves and hope other countries beg to trade.

Spoiler: they won’t

Trump insists this will reignite American manufacturing, conveniently forgetting that building factories takes years, and that companies prefer economic stability over MAGA roulette. Meanwhile, prices are rising, trade partners are walking, and economists are staring into the void.

What’s the endgame? No one really knows. Maybe it’s about forcing a “deal.” Maybe it’s about looking tough. Or maybe, just maybe, he’s playing economic Jenga blindfolded and hoping the tower fixes itself.

The truth is:

Global markets don’t respond to playground threats

Tariffs aren’t magic wands

And no, suing your way into cooperation has never worked—not with the NFL, not with China, not with anyone who reads emails before answering them

This isn’t just déjà vu. This is the sequel to a flop nobody asked for.

And just like the USFL, if it collapses, it’ll be the fans—the public—left holding the bag.

Coming soon: Tariff League 2025 – Now with Extra Inflation!